bride’s guide to: getting your groom engaged in planning.
From “Just Tell Me When to Show Up” to “Let’s Do This!"
Yes, even the "just tell me when to show up" type.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard, "He's not really into all this wedding stuff…" well, let's just say I could pay for your honeymoon in Bora Bora.
Here's the thing: your wedding isn't just about picking a venue or locking in a DJ. It's about creating an experience that reflects both of you. And yes, that includes your groom; even if he claims not to know what a boutonnière is.
I've worked with plenty of couples where one person takes the lead initially, but once we find the right entry point, they both enjoy planning.
So if you're wondering how to get your groom more involved (without making it feel like a group project in corporate America), I've got you covered.
1. Start With the Big Picture
Before diving into the guest list or color palettes, have a conversation about what really matters to both of you.
How do you want the day to feel?
What do you want your guests to experience?
What memories do you want to hold onto 10 years from now?
When you align with the vision, the details have purpose, and planning becomes a team effort.
2. Let Him Lead in Areas That Feel Natural
He may not care about linen textures, but if he's the go-to friend for playlists, obsessed with trying new restaurants, or always crafting something creative in the kitchen, that's your entry point.
Let his everyday interests guide the experience: give him the reins on the DJ or signature cocktail, let him weigh in on the menu, or choose a venue with architectural detail that reflects his style and makes him feel represented in the space.
When the celebration includes pieces of him, he's not just involved; he's genuinely invested.
3. Play to His Strengths
Not everyone connects with planning in the same way, and that's part of what makes your relationship dynamic.
If he's into numbers, let him own the budget and map out the spreadsheets. He might take the lead on timelines or logistics if he's detail-driven. And if he's creative or sentimental, give him the space to write your vows, design the wedding website, or help shape the ceremony in a meaningful way.
The goal isn't equal participation, it's thoughtful contribution. When each of you leans into what you do best, planning becomes more collaborative, intentional, and a whole lot easier.
4. Make Planning Part of Your Real Life
You don't need to schedule "wedding meetings" like it's your side job. The best planning moments usually happen when you don't treat them like tasks.
Talk through your guest list while cooking dinner. Browse venue options over Saturday morning coffee. Scroll through playlists on a long drive. Turn cake tastings into date night (because why not?).
Planning can either feel like pressure or like connection. It's not about forcing time; it's about folding the process into your rhythm as a couple.
5. Ask for One "This Is So Him" Moment
Every celebration deserves a detail that makes guests say, "Oh, that is so him." It could be a cultural tradition, a surprise toast, or his go-to late-night snack served in style.
If he's obsessed with ramen, let's bring a curated ramen bar for the late-night snack, complete with personalized chopsticks and mini takeout boxes.
If he's a die-hard football fan, imagine a luxe bourbon bar paired with upscale bites inspired by his favorite tailgate foods, like truffle mac and cheese bites or sliders with mini team flags at your after-party.
If he's a fan of "The Bear", go full “Carmy” with elevated comfort food, low lighting, and a playlist that feels like a moody chef's table experience. Hold the chaos, just curated flavor and intentional design.
The goal isn't just to check a box; it's to create a moment that feels unmistakably him.
6. Let Him Skip What Doesn't Matter to Him
Not every part of wedding planning needs to be a joint effort, and that's okay. If florals, stationery, or linen samples aren't his thing, don't force the conversation.
Instead, give him the space to step back from the details that don't light him up, so he can be fully present for the ones that do. When people feel like they have a choice in how they show up, they tend to show up more meaningfully.
It's not about dividing responsibilities equally; it's about each of you contributing in genuine and significant ways.
7. Work With a Planner Who Supports You Both
One of the most helpful ways to keep planning from feeling one-sided or overwhelming is having someone in your corner who knows how to keep everyone engaged, without adding pressure.
That's where I come in.
My role isn't just to manage timelines or logistics. I'm here to help you feel included, heard, and supported. Whether one of you wants to be hands-on with every decision or weigh in at key moments, I guide the process to make space for both of your styles.
And when you're not sure how to bring your ideas to life? I help translate those abstract, half-formed thoughts—the vibes, the vision, the "we just want it to feel like us"—into a seamless, beautiful experience your guests will feel when they walk in.
Because planning isn't about doing everything equally, it's about building something intentional, together.
Final Thought
You don't need to plan everything side by side to create a day that reflects both of you. What matters most is that you each feel seen in the experience, which starts long before the music plays or the first glass of champagne is poured.
When planning feels personal, the celebration does, too. Guests may not remember the exact shade of your linens or the height of your floral arrangements, but they will remember how the day made them feel.
You deserve a planning experience that is clear, collaborative, and true to your couple's identity. I'm here to help you create exactly that. Schedule a call.
